Learn to Unlearn

This year is rather significant for me. It's the year I crossed over to another big zero. I truly don't remember if I had crossed the previous zero in a fanfare or perhaps in a meaningful & significant way. It's a big blur in my memory - that transition. But for this transition, I seem to want to put in more effort to document & then REmember. Why? Like a older, wiser friend said to me - this is the age of reckoning. Yes, I have come to my reckoning. It's a realization that I've walked almost half (if I am lucky more, if not, less) of my journey on earth & I have had my gains & losses. Some trophies came from sheer diligence & perseverance, others from being part of someone else's life in a meaningful way. Some losses were trophies, in disguise, in hindsight, from the School of Hardknocks, which meant I had camped in the Land of the Folly, the Impulsive & the Immature. Other losses were -- just losses, heartbreaking - I wear them like badges of honour along with some scars of the battles.

In this reckoning, I feel a stirring. What will the next 40 years of journey look like for me? What kind of landscape will I see? What kind of backdrop? Is it spring throughout? Summer? Or the beautiful autumn? Or the harsh winter? In all sense of the word, I am fully aware there are some things I can control (ok, like what I eat... I tell that to my students over & over) but there are many things I cannot control. My psychology training further informs me that a sense of being out-of-control is detrimental to one's mental health. It's the best gateway for insidious learned helplessness to creep into your backdoor, crippling & paralyzing your ability to make good choices. Perhaps I have been so 'psychologically minded' (occupational hazard) that my motto in life became BE-IN-CONTROL, as much as possible. And of course, I have reached this red-alert zone of 'being-set-in-one's-way' I don't naturally adopt a more relaxed, less rigid, more flexible stance.

Be ME, Be in CONTROL. As if this is my only pathway to HAPPINESS. Apart from Eat, Pray & Love (Oh, how I resonate with Elizabeth Gilbert in her personal tragedy & her quest for peace & happiness!)

Things I can't change, I have told myself -- then I ought to learn to CONTROL it. The more I try to control it (some things, not all), the more I become bitter & tired with having to learn to control it & the more I realise the sad, pathetic fact that I can't change it. I hate realising sad, pathetic facts!~

Now, at length, I begin to wonder what happens if I forget to be in CONTROL?? Can I stop being conscientious about being planful, about taking control of myself, my circumstances? Can I let my guard down & take a risk to love? What happens if I just let myself drift with the rhythm of life? Afterall, life itself is a form of positive energy. Life takes the lead many a time, opening up new doors, throwing out new encounters, flinging surprises at you when you least expect. Life takes on the character of the lif-er. It is rich because the person living it is generous. It is poor because the person living it is miserly & small-hearted.

In a strange but a monumental moment, watching David Tao's lecture at TEDx Taipei was like having an open- heart surgery for me. I felt like I was cut open in my heart until my soul was bare. That I just want to empty everything I have kept inside for so long, throw them all out, destroy, deconstruct; I feel an intense need to reconstruct, to renew what's in my heart. It dawns upon me I need to learn to unlearn. Perhaps then I will be brought to the landscapes my heart desires, the backdrops my soul longs for, the seasons & climates I find deepest meaning in my own pursuits & relationships with others.

Learn to Unlearn (Message by David Tao, TEDx Taipei
1. Forget & discard
2. Deconstruct
3. Reset (to zero)
4. Letting go